In a contentious separation, adults may be preoccupied with legal decisions while a child is struggling with fear, divided loyalties, anger, or a growing distance from a parent. Those concerns deserve direct clinical attention.
How can conflict affect the child’s experience?
Children are not responsible for resolving adult disputes. Exposure to blame, hostility, or pressure to choose sides can place burdens on them that they may be unable to describe in words.
A general description of “high conflict,” however, never establishes what occurred in a particular family. The child’s experience and relevant adult conduct still need to be understood.
When a child feels caught in the middle
Some children come to believe that showing affection for one parent will hurt or betray the other. Others withdraw because of experiences of fear or harm. These possibilities require careful distinction.
Dr. Washam uses psychoanalytic, attachment, object-relations, and family-systems perspectives to examine how the child’s internal experience and relationships interact. He does not infer equal responsibility merely because both parents are parties to a dispute.
Does high conflict mean both parents are equally responsible?
No. “High conflict” describes a pattern of dispute, not an allocation of responsibility. It must not obscure abuse, coercive behavior, or a significant imbalance of power.
A clinician should consider what each adult has actually done and what the child has experienced. Professional fairness is not the same as treating all behaviors as equally harmful or all accounts as equally persuasive.
What kind of help are we seeking?
Consider whether the concern is the child’s individual distress, a damaged relationship, communication between adults, or a question being asked by the court. Different questions can require different professional roles.
Ask what Dr. Washam would be engaged to do and whether another service is needed instead of, or alongside, relationship-focused reunification treatment. A single provider should not be assumed to perform every role in the family’s legal and clinical life.
How can we keep the inquiry focused?
Describe the relationship issue you want help understanding. Note the existence of orders and other providers without sending a long legal narrative through the public contact route.
An initial inquiry should be brief. If an appointment is appropriate, the practice will explain the role, participation, confidentiality, and fees before clinical work begins.
Sources & further reading
Dr. Charles W. Washam: Professional Statement of Qualifications and Methodology
AACAP: Children and Divorce (2026)AFCC and NCJFCJ: Joint Statement on Parent-Child Contact Problems (2022)Amy J. L. Baker and Paul R. Fine: Surviving Parental Alienation: A Journey of Hope and Healing (2014)